I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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