Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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