dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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