if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
