You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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