I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Randomize
