Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
