grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
