You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
