Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
