So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
