Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to calm my uterus...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
