living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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