hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
