how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
