I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
