I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
