my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
