ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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