He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
