He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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