The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
