i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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