we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
