Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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