They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
