can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
