theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
