I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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