Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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