I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
