Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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