you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
