Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize