It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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