yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
