I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
