good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
