dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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