I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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