Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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