I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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