There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
