so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
