i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
