I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
