The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.