is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her