zippers are such a cool invention
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.