he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
