Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
