Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
