Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
