i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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