Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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