She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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